Beard Styles Men Trolling!

Welcome to today’s seminar about Beard Styles Men Trolling here at the Campus of the Wealthy Affiliate University! You are just in time to participate, please take a seat and read the disclaimer on your chair, there is still time to leave this seminar.

Disclaimer:

This is a trolling about a beard, do not continue reading if you suffer from following symptoms: seriousness, beardophobia or any other phobias where happiness and fun causes you the shrivels. Ask your doctor what risks to expect in the first few days after attending this seminar, as well as in the weeks and months that follow.

Is everyone ready? Last warning, you can still leave this seminar, don’t tell me I didn’t warn you!

Good let’s start. A warm welcome to our special guests McTeddy, Saussi & Peppi, Dr. Fard and who are you, yes you, I don’t know you, well never mind.

Have you ever wondered how it is to live with a beard? Or have you ever had a beard? Yes, no, what you do not know? You cannot remember? Oh eh what you say, speak a little bit louder, ah I hear, what is a beard?

What is a Beard?

Well Ladies and Gentlemen, a beard is something very hairy and it usual grows on your face, what? The hair above your eyes? Nooooo those are called eyebrows, what on top of your head? Nooo that is called hair, yes hair, what, what do you want? Say what? You got hair everywhere? Go to the Zoo, you must be that famous Teddy Bear everybody talks about!

Is there anyone else? No? Good! So what is so special about a beard you may ask? Well I am asking myself the same question. You should know I never had a beard, all those peeking hairs making me just nervous and my actions include pulling, trolling and swinging all those little hairs.

But the fact is, I have to go to infiltrate a Mothership in Area 52 in the next 6 months. (According to Dr. Fard, there was a secret UFO landing and we should go and investigate it.) I thought, I would let myself grow a beard so no one will recognize me. Guess what I didn’t shave my face for a week now, hahaaa I am going to have a beard, or not? Hmmm well I am here to find that out together with you if a beard can be a good camouflage to hide my identity.

But before we get to that, let us have a closer look about the beard history. Yes I know we can buy all kind of beard sets, oh really you got a special offer, 2 for the price of 3? And in a Pink colour? No way, sounds awesome, you can leave me your details after the seminar.

Perhaps we should go back into the past. Since when do men and women have beards, what? Yes women can have beards too, what do you mean you never saw one? Probably they remove them quicker than you can peek, I suggest you try the circus, yes you too have fun, bye!

Oh well one seminar visitor less, too curious to find and see a woman with a beard. Where were we, ah yes, history of the beard.

History of the Beard Styles Men & Women!

Since the beginning of time, where prehistoric men and women started to crowd Planet Wealthy Earth a beard was very in. The beard was mainly used to keep yourself warm on colder days, or simply to hide your identity from others. Although the form of the beard was not in mode, many grew their beards up to 2 meters long and used part of their beards as a scarf. There are rumours some might have used them as slingshots to catch animals for food, and others used them to catch the opposite sex.

Then around 3000 BCE and 1500 years further in time, the Egyptian Royalties used a false beard that was made out of metal. In Ancient times it was a sign of wisdom, honour and dignity to have a long beard.

Around 345 BCE Alexander The Great forbid his soldiers to wear beards as he was afraid his opponents could troll his soldiers beards and they would suffer a penalty in battle.

The Romans trimmed and groomed their beards and where very cultivated. It was also for hygienic reasons.

The Joker

So McTeddy go to the barber!

McTeddy

@Sf#%@%aljduiyfyole…..

If you were born with a beard and you always kept it on you, there is a good chance you are a philosopher without knowing it, as the philosophers in ancient times always kept their beards no matter the trend.

Over the age of time beards got in and out of mode and many beard styles were noticed.

Beard Styles Men!

Here is a list of very common Beard Styles Men:

• A very famous one was the Vandyke Beard, a pointed beard which was kept in form with wax, combs and brushes.
• Then there is the Chin Curtain, a style made popular by Abraham Lincoln. It was a typical way of wearing a beard and have facial hair along the jawline long enough to hang from your chin.
• The Chinstrap Beard is a beard where the sideburns are connected to each other by a narrow hairline along your jaw.
• The friendly Muttonchops is a style, where muttonchops are connected with the moustache without chin hair.
• The Goatee is a style where you only have hair around your chin and a moustache.
• The Horseshoe Moustache is a full moustache with ends down in parallel lines all the way down to your chin line.
• Other known models were called The Forked Beard and The Stiletto Beard.

And what kind of Beard Style Men do you wear? Are you an Ancient?

Beard Camouflage!

Now coming to our current time-line, where all kind of beards are possible. What kind of beard will help me in my mission? I did some research and here is my list, perhaps you know how you can help me?

1. What colour should a camouflage beard have? Red, Green, Yellow, Orange, Blue..?
2. Any special shape you can think off?
3. Are there any growth products to accelerate my beard growing time?
4. How can I weaponize my beard?
5. Will Dr. Moon’s Superbluegluebeardstyle gel have any advantages?
6. Will I look hotter and attract many beautiful girls who will love to troll my beard?
7. Will I have health benefits when I grow myself a beard?
8. Will I stop aging when I grow myself a beard?
9. Will I look like a genius with a beard?

Beard Styles Men Questions & Answers!

For all of you who are thinking to start a beard niche here at the Wealthy Affiliate University, here are some questions for you:

1. Do you Men have a beard?
2. Do you women have a beard?
3. Have you ever cut a beard like a barber or like a sword fighter?
4. Will you attract more beard wearers or non-beard wearers with your niche?
5. How do you call a person without a beard in general?
6. Can you use a beard for weight lifting?
7. Why does Superman not wear a beard?
8. What is a Beard-Gasm?
9. What colour should a beard have?
10. Can you sell a beard on Ebay?

Tell me Ladies and Gentlemen, what do you have and can you answer my questions?

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Dr. Fard

Aliens are more fun and highly intelligent, more work and more work is more fun and more fun is…

The Joker

That’s an interesting statement, but I’d like to point out we are not talking about aliens here. We like to know if you are a beard wearer, oh and ask Monster too. Any tips?

Dr. Fard

But I did.

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Who is next? Not all at the same time. No McTeddy stop trolling your neighbour by pulling his beard!

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Carson

Beard-a-rific!! But no beard for me ….could never grow a decent looking beard …always just looked like I had dirt on my face or was in need of a good bath!! Ha

The Joker

That sounds funny, any girl who ever asked you for a beard? You could glue one with Dr. Moon’s Supermoonsbluebeardstyle gel…

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MaCrim

I must admit it was my youthful exuberance (not to mention my hippy tendencies) that led me to partaking in facial growth. It was fine, while it lasted, but age and itchiness got the better of me and I shaved it off. It wasn’t thick enough to mow… I had something snarky about beards to share, but I guess it went down the drain when the beardy was mowed. Any, I never knew that Dick Van Dyke had a beard!!

The Joker

So what was your feeling and impression while you wear a beard? Was it different towards the people you knew?

Santa Claus

MaCrim

To tell you the truth, my family and friends were quite accepting of the look, at least to my face. I didn’t get any negative vibes that I can remember. Nowadays, I’m at the stage where I’m experimenting with the Santa Clause look. It’s not quite there (streaks of Black don’t help), so we’ll give it some time.

The Joker

I will inform Dr. Moon and Dr. Fard, they surely can develop some special glue for you to have that special Santa beard grow. They will contact you in due time, when you can come to their laboratory in Switzerland to conduct tests on you and your beard.

MaCrim

I haven’t been to Switzerland, but I have been to West Germany (at least it was, at the time). That was GREAT! I also love the Swiss (chocolate). I think I’ll go pack an emergency bag right now….

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Dr. Cmaint

I don’t have one. I tried it once, and it was so ugly and really sad looking that it would scare people. So, I gave it up.

The Joker

Oh Oooooh, I will see how it goes with me, how I will look like, but my mission requires camouflage so either my own or a glued beard, and the problem with Supermoonsbluebeardstyle gel is, it might never come off again…..

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Mole

Mole

I have a beard so it covers up a little mole on my chin that I am paranoid about. I guess also I am a little lazy and don’t like shaving so that’s another reason I have one.

The Joker

Thanks for sharing, you truly look like a mole, oh wait you are a mole? So you keep on growing your beard I guess? How long is yours now? Does it help to be a bigger Alpha on the field? Do you feel more secure with your beard?)

Mole

I feel secure with it covering being a mole, but if I let it grow too icy it gets real bushy and itchy and then I look like a bear….

McTeddy

Hey you @!$#@!

Mole

No offense McTeddy, whenever I get my haircut I will let her shave it thin so it doesn’t look too bad.

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Jimmy

I want the thick one, but I have scarcely distributed so it’s better for me to cut it every other day.

The Joker

Thanks for sharing, so Black is the colour, every day? Ever thought about beard production?

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Jair

A beard is nothing more than an extension of your public hair on your face or hanging from your face. Just like other public hair, if not mans-caped and kept in check it will deter women, but a beard with distinction, a beard with purpose and form drive women WILD!!!

The Joker

Thank you Jair explaining us, but why is it you think that women go wild, when we men have a beard? Is it the prehistoric instinct of intimidation, was it the long hair (slingshot beard, could catch a woman too), or is it the distinction as you call it? What form and colour do you recommend?

Jair

Well, my father always had a beard like Tommy Chong…..actually, my dad was Tommy Chong, right down to the spectacles, the Bandana and the Daisy Duke shorts, yes that was my father, never saw him cleanly shaved. I think no matter what you decide upon, what will make or break it, is the effort you put into it.

You can’t have the strangler wild hairs here and there; it has to be mans-caped. There has to be a balance between hair, eyebrows, and beard. I like a fine scruff all over and it works for me, but I do like the designs like the Game Maker’s beard from the Hunger Games. I would have to say, my father got SOOO much attention, because of his beard and the women LOVED his beard that the Tommy Chong look would not be good for camouflage, but to acquire the opposite sex, it would be the way to go.

Lastly, I think a beard has to be dark in colour. A platinum blond or rusty Red are just off putting and again, no good for camouflage unless in a pile of leaves in the fall.

The Joker

Aha a Tommy Chong look, but what do you do if your beard is not in that colour? Are there any products to change the colour? My normal hair is a bit a problem too, normally I remove all up too 1mm as I have ultra thin hair and without gel I won’t be able to keep them in place… I always thought a Kojak look will spur some girls, hmmm how about a Kojak look with a Tommy Chong look instead?

Jair

I think you might look like a boot brush lol. “Just for men” carries a special line of beard dyes as public hair is very coarse and doesn’t like to take colouring. They are mostly known for taking the Grey away, but have a dye line covering Brown, Black, Red and blond.

I too, keep my hair at a 0.5mm setting shaved head and the women love it. I use to rock all the mousse and gel and hairspray and styling and dying and mostly I hated spending $20 every 2-3 weeks for a haircut. I have all my hair and it’s not thinning or receding.

I was just tired of all the work and money, but when I started to shave my head I messed around with beards and moustaches. I used to have a killer handlebar moustache and contemplated growing an imperial, but my wifey wouldn’t allow me too lol. This was for me The Imperial Moustache look.

The Joker Camouflaged

The Joker

Yup what I thought, I will keep my Kojak look and add some beard experiments. Together with my MI5 helmet, Black Hologram Sunglasses and my new grown beard I should be able to go incognito into that alien mothership.

Btw, why would you let a woman decide what to wear? Worst case scenario I can think off she will have some special trolling tools ready for you when you spend some private time with her.

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McTeddy

McTeddy

I am a beard, I got a beard everywhere. You should do it like me and no one will recognize you. hihihihi

The Joker

Well, we all know who you are, due to all that hair that lets you look like a Bearweazle.

McTeddy

At least all the women love me and like to cuddle me 24 hours a day.

The Joker

Wait till the slimy aliens are cuddling you, hahahaha.

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Beautynik

I found my Beard Styles Men made me a lot more desirable to SOME of the opposite sex. There were a handful of women, who don’t like it but the majority did. My beard is thick and groomed, light Brown with highlights of Red (natural). Oh yeah and now add some salt and pepper too haha. My look is that of a Viking in a suit or maybe a lumberjack with a collar lol…

There are parts of a man’s body that when amplified; it gives a man a more dominant, alpha, hunter/collector, protector styled appearance. Broad shoulders, big arms, raised traps (like Bane!) etc.

I would say women who are attracted to these kind of men will have an innate sense of attraction. I would even go as far to say that the larger our extremities are, the more dominant we appear. I guess kind of the same idea as men being attracted to women with big hips / booties, looking at the strongest partner to breed with.

Is our core desire to survive hard coded into us? Of course, not all women would feel this way. Not sure what the numbers would be lol. Ps. I would laugh out loud seeing anyone prance about with a Hunger Games styled beard.

The Joker

Wooaw thanks Beautynik that is some professional insight, very helpful for anyone who likes to start a beard niche. Probably you know, how to colour your beard? I got all kinds of colours, mainly Brown but there are White and Grey ones too argh…. So Brown is ok with me…. any suggestions? What instruments do you use to groom your beard?

Beautynik

I think depending on what your base colour is and the colour you want would determine the products you use. I’m no pro, but I’m sure any hair stylist would know the process.

I’m thinking of colouring my beard Grey lol… I have enough natural Grey’s and I think it would look good.

I use beard oils, shampoos and conditioners and a good quality beard comb.

The Joker

You think coconut oil can be good for your beard? As it is natural based and so good for your skin and also to use it in your food. Hey if you want I can give you “The Greys” (captured by Dr. Fard) and you give me Brownies or Black ones.

Beautynik

I’m not sure how long it takes you to grow a full beard, but by week 3 mine is complete and thick. Once you pass the 3 week stage the itchiness goes away. Keep it oiled, brushed and majestic. Been rocking the beard for 7 years now… various lengths and styles…

The Joker

Itchiness, ah that is why I am trolling my beard? Aha my man, we shall see then.

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Saussi & Peppi

Saussi & Peppi

You are not meaty, you are not meaty, you are not meaty anymore with a beard, and therefore we do not grow beards. Foul foul, your beard will look foul.

The Joker

Come here you meaty beanstalk and I will eat you alive. Why does Peppi wear handcuffs?

Saussi & Peppi

He is wearing handcuffs, because he is saussipulling me all the time since we are here in your stupid beard trolling seminar. So I had to put him in chains. You can have and eat him alive!

The Joker

Tsika tsaka stick him in your mincer Saussi!

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Lisa

Great seminar, lots of fun, very humorous and I won’t tell you if I have a beard or not.

The Joker

Aha, I got ya, so you are telling me you have a beard somewhere hidden?

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Pammi

I don’t have, and I never will have a beard!! I like beards very much. Nice full Black beards. I think that you will look good with a beard!!

The Joker

Thanks, I might give it a try, but what to do with White / Grey little trolling hairs…?

Pammi

Wax Darling, wax!!

The Joker

Wax? You mean candle wax? You are mean…

Pammi

No silly…beard or moustache wax!! But you already knew that didn’t you? Sweet Joker!!

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Steve

No beard, I had a moustache for many years! And yes, I’m approaching “Ancient”!

The Joker

Hi Steve, welcome to my seminar, did you wear any special moustache?

Steve

Similar to a Fumanchu, but by it being Red and on a Northern Germanic ancestry, I looked more like Eric The Red without a horned helmet!

The Joker

So you were famous at that time.

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The Joker

And how about you Commander McKearns, you never had a beard, a wise man like you? You must show authority on your battle space-cruiser.

Commander McKearns

Only once when I was hospitalized for a while Joker!

The Joker

Let me guess, after 3 months of sleep you woke up in the hospital with a déjà vu and said where am I? You looked into the mirror and said perplexed with a beard, who am I?

Commander McKearns and everyone else at the seminar

Hahahahaha hahahaha

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The Joker, Editor in Chief of The Daily Wealthy Affiliate